4 jokes
Friday, April 17, 2009; 3:51 AM :D
A man has a heart attack and is brought to the hospital ER. The doctor tells him that he will not live unless he has a heart transplant right away. Another doctor runs into the room and says, "You're in luck, two hearts just became available, so you will get to choose which one you want. One belongs to an attorney and the other to a social worker".
The man quickly responds, "The attorney's."
The doctor says, "Wait! Don't you want to know a little about them before you make your decision?"
The man says, "I already know enough. We all know that social workers are bleeding hearts and the attorney's probably never used his. So I'll take the attorney's!"
Violin Shop
Three violin manufactures have all done business for years on the same block in the small town of Cremona, Italy. After years of a peaceful co-existence, the Amati shop decided to put a sign in the window saying: "We make the best violins in Italy."
The Guarneri shop soon followed suit, and put a sign in their window proclaiming: "We make the best violins in the world."
Finally, the Stradivarius family put a sign out at their shop saying: "We make the best violins on the block."
Psychologist Skiing
A psychologist returned from a confrence in Aspen lodge, where all the psychologists were permited to ski for free. Her husband asked her, "How it went?". She replied, "Fine, but I've never seen so many Freudians slips."
Madhouse
Psychiatrist to his nurse: "Just say we're very busy. Don't keep saying 'It's a madhouse.'"
4 jokes.
; 3:40 AM :D
A guy goes in to see a psychologist. He says, "It seems I can't make any friends. Can you help me, you fat slob?"
Psychologist vs. Magician
What's the difference between a psychologist and a magician?
A psychologist pulls habits out of rats!
Language Name
"The most important thing in the programming language is the name. A language will not succeed without a good name. I have recently invented a very good name and now I am looking for a suitable language." -- D. E. Knuth, 1967
Object Oriented
"Have you heard about the object-oriennted way to become wealthy?"
"No..."
"Inheritance."
Joke by buzzz
; 3:37 AM :D
ans : mickey mouse
qn: wat duck walk on two legs?
ans: all duck walk on two leg. (most ppl ans is donlad duck )
qn: wat go up but never come down
ans: age
add a line to make this statement true 5+5+5=550
ans : 545+5=550 (add a line at the + sign to make it a 4)
qn: what is as big as an elephant but weight nth??
ans : elephant's shadow
Jokes by chocoidot
; 3:37 AM :D
Ans:All th cros had went for th animal meeting ! :D
Joke by pred!a-tor
; 3:34 AM :D
Petal: Mummy, why is my name Petal?
Mom: Because, sweety, when you were born, a petal fell on your head.
Then suddenly, Petal's brother barged in.
Bro: Mum, mum...
Mom: Shut up, Refrigerator!
Jokes by {paperheart
Sunday, April 12, 2009; 2:52 AM :D
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next week the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5.00 am for an early morning business flight to Chicago. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he finally wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5.00 am."The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9.00am, and that he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't woken him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed ... it said... "It is 5.00am; wake up."
Jokes Part 1
Ever wonders? What if you need to be knowledgeable to enter Heaven?Check this out! Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question.St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it."The teacher answered quickly, "That would be the Titanic." St. Peter let him through the gate.St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn't *really* need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: "How many people died on the ship?"Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie. "1,228," he answered."That's right! You may enter."St. Peter turned to the lawyer. "Name them."Ok..enough of the Heaven.. Let start about Hell..Who say Satan is bad? At least he welcome every member by giving them a choice.Or not?This guy dies and is sent to Hell. Satan meets him and shows him the doors to three rooms and says he must choose one of the rooms to spend eternity in.So Satan opens the first door. In the room there are people standing in cow manure up to their necks. The guy says "No, please show me the next room".Satan shows him the next room and this has people with cow manure up to their noses. And so he says no again.Finally, Satan shows him the third and final room. This time there are people in there with cow manure up to their knees drinking cups of tea and eating cakes.So the guy says, "I'll choose this room". Satan says O.K. The guys is standing in there eating his cake and drinking his tea thinking, "Well, it could be worse", when the door opens. Satan pops his head around, and says "O.K. tea-break is over. Back on your heads!"
Jokes Part 2
Each man gives a story
Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"
So the first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell -- but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balcony."
"That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man in.The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story."It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here."
Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death.The third man came to the front of the line, and again Peter explained that heaven was full and asked for his story."Picture this," says the third man, "I'm hiding inside a refrigerator..."
Ok.. This is another flight that cannot be taken like that AIR INDIA
here..take a look..hahas
"This is Captain Sinclair speaking.
On behalf of my crew I'd like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic.
"If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire.
"If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off.
"If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you.
"That's me your captain, the co-pilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a recorded message. Have a good flight!"
There have been many cases of Child custody nowadays..But most of the times the winner are the woman right?
Here a tips for the Guys to win the cases..
A man and his wife were getting a divorce at a local court, but the custody of their children posed a problem. The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his side of the story. After a long moment of silence, the man rose from his chair and replied: "Judge, when I put a dollar into a vending machine and a Pepsi comes out, does the Pepsi belong to me or to the machine?"....He Won....
Jokes by sweetpurity
; 2:49 AM :D
One day, Trouble went missing. Manner and Shut Up were worried so they went to the police station. Manner was urgent and went to the toilet. So, Shut Up went to make the report.
Shut up: Err, I'm looking for Trouble.
Police: HUH?! You looking for trouble ah? What is your name?!
Shut up: Oh, Shut Up.
Police: Walao! Where is your manner?
Shut up: Manner in the toilet lah!
OMG THIS IS FREAKING FUNNY I TELL YOU.
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John and Kim were room-mates. One day, Kim didn't feel good.
John: Wake up Kim! You're late for school!
Kim: Tell teacher I won't go to school.. I don't feel well and I didn't do my homework. You should be concern of that.
John: Why must I be?
Kim: Because I'm your bestie, remember?
John: Fine..
At class, Mr. Sim was teaching and John shivered.
Mr. Sim: Is there anything wrong, John?
John: Errr... nothing nothing..
Mr. Sim: Can I see you after class?
John: Sure.
After class,
Mr. Sim: Why did you shivered?
John: Because I'm worried of something..
Mr. Sim: Why?
John: Kim's homework.. He didn't do it and he blamed it on me..
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Joshua: I got very high for my mother tounge!
Gua Shi: How much you get? I get 55/70.
Joshua: What marks? I said about my mother's tounge.. She is growing and now she is tall and got the tounge is very high...
Gua Shi: Okay, you should call that Toungess because it's very disgusting.
Guava: I am bigger than you, so much bigger than you.
Watermelon: No, I'm so much bigger than you.
Guava: No, I'm bigger than you because I'm pink and I'm a pig that is obviously bigger than you.
John was suspended from school. He scolded a bad word to his dad. That day, Mrs. Leo was sending him to his father. John was very happy to see his father for a whole long day. His dad's name is Jiao Li Kang. But John calls him Jiao.
John: Papa Jiao!
Mrs. Leo: John! Did you just scolded a bad word?
John: No, I called out my dad's name. I call him Papa. Or Pa. So it is 'Pa Jiao.'
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