Jokes by chocoidot
Friday, December 19, 2008; 4:40 PM :D
A dhen heard one auntie said : Aiyoh,so pitiful,like that die already . A dhen had a quick idea and told B the idea.Dhen,the two of them shouted : Please give way ! We are the deceased's Family ! Hearing those words,everybody gave way.A && B finally reached the front and guess what ? There on the road lies a pig being knock down by a car !
A Chinese man walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going to China on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Chinese man hands over the keys to a new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produces the title and everything checks out.
The Loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Chinese for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the Chinese returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, 'Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi-millionaire. What puzzles us is why you would bother to borrow $5,000?
The Chinese replies: 'Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there safely when I return.'
One old granny was sick and went to the doctor. The doctor said nothing much was wrong and just gave her some medicine . Fearing she wont understand the instructions,the doctor said in hokkien :Jiat Bah Gor Liap [After dinner 5pills]
The woman then went home.After half hour later,ambulance came.It was the same old granny.
The nurse asked : Didnt you follow the doctors instructions?
Old Granny:Yes i did ! [Jiat,[Eat] Bah Gor Liap[150 pills] ]
Female reporter was interviewing 1 farmer regarding mad cow disease.
Reporter : Sir, would you like to comments about the mad cow disease?
Farmer : Lady, Do you know that bull and cow only have sex once in a year ?
Reporter : Sir, I respect your comments but we are in the programme for mad cow disease only.
Farmer : Lady, and do you know that we squeeze cow's breast for milk 4 times a day = 1460 times a year ?
Reporter : Sir, but what has it got to do with mad cow disease ? (She was angry because the farmer had being talking sexy things.
Farmer : lady, if I will to squeeze your breast 4 times a day = 1460 times a year but you only get SEX once a year --- WILL YOU BE MAD???!!!
There was a shipwreck and 3 men was lucky to have survived as they cling on to the floating woods found on the sea . They held on for 3 days 3 nights and finally reached a island .
Unfortunately, a group of tribesman found them and brought them to meet their chief . The chief said : Each of you do 2 task for me . If you 3 can finish doing the task , i will let you all off . If you 3 fail to do so , i will kill you .
So,the 1st task was asked : Find 1 type of fruit and find 10 of it .
So,A was back 1st . He took 10 apples . The chief said : 2nd task is , if you can put all this 10 apples into your a$$hole, without any sound , i will let you go . When A stuffs it until the 5th apple , he made a cry and he was shot to death .
So B was back 2nd .He took 10small berries . Was asked to do the same thing . Until the 9th berry he is putting , he laughed . So he was shot to death .
Late , A && B met in heaven . So A asked , Hey ! Why did you laugh ! You also made it ! and B replied . No choice ! I saw C back with 10 durians !
There were these three guys at a cafe, drinking their coffee - a black guy, an American guy and an Ah Beng.
They see a really attractive waitress and comment on her good looks. Next thing you know they start making bets on who can get her to go out with them first.
The waitress overhears them, and she goes up to them and says, "Hey, I heard you talking about me. Well, I like an intelligent guy, so let's see who can make the best sentence using the words 'liver' and 'cheese'."
So the black guy goes, "That's easy. I love liver and I hate cheese." The waitress shakes her head in disgust.
The American guy goes, "Well, I hate liver and I love cheese." The waitress says, "That is so stupid. That's essentially the same thing!"
Then the Ah Beng steps up and puts his arm around the waitress' waist. "Liver alone, cheese mine!" ( leave her alone, she is mine ) !!!
3 men died at the same time and was sent to heaven . God asked the 1st man,how he died .
So the man replied : I suspect my wife having an affair with the man living on the 14th floor so i rushed home to check . When i reached home , I saw a pair of hand clinging on the balcony wall . I thought that he was the man so i pushed him down . To make sure he was dead , i threw a refrigerator down . However,the fridge was too heavy for me so i dropped down as well.
This time , the God asked the 2nd man , how he died .
So the man replied : I was living in my 14th floor apartment and i was mopping my house balcony floor . Little did i know that the floor was too slippery and i fell off the balcony . Lucky me, i cling on to the 13th floor balcony wall . Little did i know that there is one stupid idiot who pushed me down to the floor . I was not dead , however , the stupid idiot threw down a fridge and i was dead .
So, again , the God asked the 3rd man , how he died .
So the man replied : I was having an affair with the 13th floor man's wife . When i heard that he is coming back , i hid inside the fridge . Little did i know that there is one stupid idiot who threw the fridge down and i was dead !
[Taken From stomp which was obviously written by me ahSOTONG while one was taken from
TeddyBearTerrorism (: ]
3 people, 1 ang moh 1 chinese n 1 indian . The 3 of them tried to prove to one another to show that their religion of God is real . So they had a competition . They went up to a high cliff and said : If you jump down and ur Lord save you , proves that your Lord is real .
So the angmoh jump down first and said : Oh God ! Please save me ! And he was saved .
So next was the chinese and he jumped n said : Oh Buddha [ sorry i forgotten how to spell] Please save me ! And he was saved .
And came down the indian , he jumped down and died . The angmoh n chinese thought for awhile . Not that his Religion is fake , its just that he reached the floor before he ca pray to his lord (: