Recent Quips from Late Night
Monday, November 3, 2008; 11:00 PM :D
Even my own blog is the same .
Here goes the First Jokes.
"Just one week left to go in this election. It's amazing, isn't it? To give you an idea, do you realize that when this whole thing started, John McCain was just 47 years old?" --Jay Leno
"And Ralph Nader, God bless him, still out there campaigning. Ralph Nader said today he has set a record for the most campaign speeches given in one day. He gave 21 speeches in one day. Of course, we have to take his word for it, because of course, there are no witnesses." --Jay Leno
"Well, political experts say that John McCain’s only chance of winning the presidential election next week is to attract swing voters. Unfortunately, McCain thinks swing voters are people who listen to Glenn Miller." --Conan O'Brien
"John McCain said that Barack Obama is already measuring the drapes in the White House. That's what he said. I understand Sarah Palin is already driving McCain around to look at assisted living facilities." --Jay Leno
"But they say that McCain insiders are calling Sarah Palin an out-of-touch diva. They say Palin has a quick temper and ignores her staff. It’s like I have a twin. --David Letterman
"The other day, a guy who played a game of basketball against Barack Obama said that Obama spent the whole game trash talking. He also said Obama’s trash talking is 'eloquent, high-minded, and inspirational.'" --Conan O'Brien
"With Halloween coming this weekend, they say not one person in the country is planning to dress up as Governor Sarah Palin. You know why? ... The costume costs $150,000." --Jay Leno
"But they say Ahmadinejad is exhausted from overwork. And you know, thank God that will never happen to George Bush." --David Letterman
"Sorry to disappoint the liberals who tuned in tonight to gloat about Obama's lead in every poll, but I am not worried. McCain may be behind, but the man is a fighter. He doesn't know the meaning of the word 'quit.' He used to, but it was stored in the same part of his brain that remembered to vet his running mate." --Stephen Colbert
"The longest-serving Republican Senator, Alaska's Ted Stevens, found guilty just a few hours ago on all charges in his corruption trial. Do you know this story? He failed to report he had some work done on his house. Yeah, here's the bad part. You know who did the work? Joe the plumber. Unlicensed." --Jay Leno
"By the way, if you want to get Hillary a gift, you can't go wrong with a gift certificate from Bed, Bath and Bitterness." --David Letterman