4 new jokes - 17/10/08
Friday, October 17, 2008; 3:31 AM :D
For Trade: One 16 year old who knows everything.
Except:
How to cook.
How to clean.
How to manage money.
How to wipe up spilled water.
How to drive.
How to write a check.
How to answer a phone.
How to do math.
How to be polite.
How gas is paid for.
How cell phone bills are paid.
How to work the can opener.
How to sweep, dust or vacuum.
How to make a bed.
How to do laundry.
How dictatorships work.
How to stop talking.
How to get a job.
How important it is to finish high school.
How the world actually works.
She can text. And she can argue. What else does she *possibly* need to know in life??
I’d like to trade her in. For a puppy.
Cat Prayer
Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray this cushy life to keep.
I pray for toys that look like mice,
And sofa cushions, soft and nice.
I pray for gourmet kitty snacks,
And someone nice to scratch my back,
For windowsills all warm and bright,
For shadows to explore at night.
I pray I'll always stay real cool
And keep the secret feline rule
To never tell a human that
The world is really ruled by cats!
Soap and Water
A minister was asked to dinner by one of his church members. He knew she was a bad housekeeper but agreed. When he sat down at the table, he noticed that the dishes were the dirtiest that he had ever seen in his life. "Were these dishes ever washed?" he asked his hostess, running his fingers over the grit and grime.
She replied,"They're as clean as soap and water could get them". He felt a bit uncomfortable, but blessed the food anyway and started eating. It was really delicious and he said so, despite the dirty dishes. When dinner was over, the hostess took the dishes outside and yelled, "Here Soap! Here Water!"
How to Make a Puppy Pie
Take one puppy, roll and play until lightly pampered, then add the following ingredients.
1 cup patience
1 cup understanding
1 pinch correction
1 cup hard work
2 cups praise and 1 1/2 cups fun
Blend well.
Heat with warmth of your heart until raised or until puppy has doubled in size.
Mix with owner until consistency is such that owner and puppy are one.
Enjoy!